3.19.2004

for a minute, i thought they were going to be writing our yougoogalees

A word to the wise: fat free salad dressing is a prelude to disaster.


So I'm downstairs in Mr. Fung's store, picking up an afternoon snack. I grab a big chocolate chip cookie and a side salad. I really want bleu cheese dressing, but they only have fat free. I think "well...how bad could it taste?" I get to my desk, douse my salad in the dressing and eat the tomatoes first. They are good--crisp, fresh. I only get a little of the dressing, and I don't notice anything amiss. The I spear a big piece of lettuce covered in fat free bleu cheese. I put it in my mouth and...it doesn't taste too bad, I guess. But it definitely doesn't taste good and it certainly doesn't taste like bleu cheese. I decide to give it the benefit of the doubt and try another taste. Eech. It tastes...sweet...but sick sweet like the sugar substitute that comes in the yellow packet. I tilt the bowl and look at it, willing myself to try it just one more time. As I look, I notice that the consistency is totally queer and thin and runny and palish whitish and then I realize that my fat free bleu cheese dressing is a dead ringer for fucking spooge, man, spooge! Jesus Fucking Christ!