how do you speak glowingly about a girl who rode to school on a broomstick?

So, I am now officially as old as dirt. I had a remarkably nice birthday weekend, the high point of which was my three and a half hour visit to the Woodland Park Zoo. Dude, they have EVERYTHING there. Tigers, Snow Leopards, Jaguars, Malayan Sun Bears, Ocelots, Tapirs, the coolest reptile house ever, penguins, oh, and leeeetle teeny monkeys. I was a bit saddened that there was no boa constrictor because I was looking forward to reenacting the reptile house scene from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.
Some things I learned at the zoo:

  • Kingsnakes totally kick rattlesnake ass
  • Tapirs are weird, but cool at the same time
  • Zebras stripes angle towards their bums
  • Elephants eat whatever they fucking feel like eating
  • Sonic the Hedgehog is not an accurate representation of the species
  • It's funny when little kids think monkeys are cats
    Once you get the opening African call from The Lion King stuck in your head, there's no getting it out