even maggie has the baby with the one eyebrow...

so, on sunday, as i scoured the local drug stores for discounted valentine's day candy (because, as you know, my amazing weight-loss diet consists almost solely of sushi, mcdonald's and a tonnage of chocolate), i made an important discovery: the easter confections have arrived. as we all know, easter has the best candy of all the holidays. you know i'm right. thanksgiving: nothing. halloween and christmas: all the same candy as the rest of the year, but in different wrappers. chanukkah: mealy gelt. valentine's day: chalk-flavored hearts. easter: solid chocolate bunnies. those egg-shaped gumballs that come in the carton. malted easter eggs with the bright candy coating that you can lick and use as lipstick. and of course, who can forget the one, the only, my chocolatey nemesis: the cadbury creme egg. oh, you milky devil. the cadbury creme egg is the second food that i remember throwing up (the first being kentucky fried chicken coleslaw that i spewed, half-digested over the tray of my high chair). indeed, i was 3 years old, returning home in the butterfield family volvo from a potluck of some sort. little did my parents know that i had raided the easter candy spread at the mattson house, downing handful after handful of sugary devilment. i had even tucked away a final creme egg of death in my jumper pocket, hoping to savor it on the ride home, and i would have, had i not linda blaired all over myself, my sister, my brother, the backseat and that little hump in the middle of the car.

oh, cadbury creme egg, how you tempt me with your delicious sugared-milk interior and delectable chocolate shell. how i long to devour you without thinking of vomit. do i swallow you whole, like a snake? or bite a hole in the shell and suck out the creamy internal goodness, mongoose-style? one day...one day soon.